You feel you have less energy and find it harder than usual to care for your loved one. What is going on?
Compassion for the suffering and condition of the person you are caring for may involve psychological, emotional and physical imbalances. How can you balance your compassion and conserve your energy? Practical tips on listening to what your body is telling you.
Compassion is a value that makes us all capable of humanity and sensitivity.
Compassion is one of the key elements that drives the caregiver. It gives meaning to their interaction with the person they are caring for, for whom they generally feel empathy, benevolence or patience.
In the long run, compassion for their charge may result in psychological, emotional and physical imbalances and burnout. Faced with their role, they gradually lose themselves in a labyrinth; over time, they may neglect themselves and risk burnout.
Caregivers are often unaware of the role of compassion on their own condition. They feel that they are not doing well but have difficulty identifying the causes, especially since many factors can be involved:
Many caregivers feel powerless. One difficulty they face is accepting the current situation as it is. They often put a lot of energy into trying to control the future or dealing with the losses related to the condition or illness of the person they are caring for, even though there is not always a solution. Focusing on the things we can do helps prevent this feeling of helplessness.
Similarly, investing oneself without considering the consequences could trigger the resurfacing of a difficult past. Personal balance is even more fragile depending on the nature of the current or previous relationship with the person being cared for.
How can you avoid being overwhelmed by compassion? How can you adjust your values to the reality of the life you want? How do you deal with the suffering of the person you are caring for without bearing it yourself? Is there anything you can do to change?
Specific cases
Examples
Feeling of detachment and/or loss of interest
Questioning the humanity and meaning of life and/or commitment to the person being cared for
Feeling of powerlessness
A caregiver’s sister keeps telling her: “you should take care of yourself,” “you should do this or that,” “you should,” “why don’t you do that?” Over time, the caregiver doubts their role.
Difficulty in regaining energy
Difficulty sleeping, fatigue
Deep exhaustion, both physical and emotional
A middle-aged man cares for his brother who has type 2 diabetes. He lives with him. He tells the Caregiver Support counselor that he feels like he is in a prison at home. His brother’s diabetes requires a lot of monitoring. He says he has gradually lost his energy and is no longer fully able to help his brother.
Need to isolate oneself
The caregiver takes care of their father who is losing his autonomy. The family is large and caring and the father’s home is visited frequently. The caregiver receives all kinds of advice, but little concrete help. The caregiver feels an increasing need to withdraw from the family, even though they have always been very close.
Eating disorders
High emotionality
Anger, worry, anxiety, even intolerance
The caregiver thinks that they are exhausted. They are constantly in tears, and are convinced that they are no longer able to provide care. They decide to share their feelings with a friend.
David Niyongabo
Caregiver Support Counselor
“It’s easier to charge a phone that is at 40% than at 2%. At 2%, you risk missing important calls and it will take time and energy to recharge. But you don’t have this energy! Recharging your energy on a daily basis can be done by indulging in small actions that are good for you.”
This is the paradox of the caregiver: in order to be attentive to the person you are caring for, you have to be attentive to yourself. This may seem difficult because every minute is precious.
Listening to yourself means:
If it doesn’t feel natural, prioritizing your own needs helps you maintain your own balance and also gives you the energy to support the person you are caring for.
David Niyongabo
Caregiver Support Counselor
Caregivers often tell me that those around them advise them to “take care of themselves.” This tends to irritate them!
I read an article that used the term “compassion fatigue”…
Yes, this term is often used. The word “fatigue” illustrates what can happen: an emotional and physical erosion that takes place when caregivers are no longer able to recharge their batteries. We also speak of “caring fatigue” or “caring exhaustion.” Behind these expressions lies a reality that you may be dealing with and for which services adapted to your needs are available.
I would like to have more concrete support from those around me. How do I make this happen?
Care mapping can help you in this process by identifying your needs and your support network. Also, consult the practical advice for caregivers page and how to help without becoming overextended, how to smooth over family relationships, and learn more from the caregiver support guide [in French]. And remember, adopting the whistling kettle strategy will encourage you to share your feelings with someone you trust before things boil over.
I need to hear or read testimonials from people who are going through the same thing as me. Where can I find these stories?
Listen up on stories from caregivers [in French] or participate in support groups. Books on the topic of compassion with testimonials from caregivers are listed in the Caregiver section of Biblio-Santé.
Ava. Usure de compassion… vraiment? [in French]
Chaîne Youtube de l'Appui pour les proches aidants. Épisode 3 - La quête de services | Des histoires qui résonnent: le Balado des proches aidants. [in French]
Douglas, Institut universitaire en santé mentale. Conseils pratiques pour les proches aidants. [in French]
L'Appui pour les proches aidants. L'usure de compassion : comment la reconnaître et la prévenir? [in French]
Need to talk?
Contact our Caregiver Support Helpline for counselling, information and referrals.
Every day from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Free of charge.
