Even if justified, a refusal feels like a blow to a suffering patient. Families feel helpless, abandoned, unheard.
These situations require extremely delicate communication. We must explain, keep supporting, and remain present. We must tell patients and caregivers that they have the right to feel disappointed and angry, that their emotions are valid, and that they are not alone. When I have to deliver a refusal, often in front of the family, I say: “It’s a no for today, but you can make another request.” And as a palliative care team, we stay with them.
With advance request for medical aid in dying, there’s a lot of misunderstanding. Some think they can be made “for anything and everything,” which isn’t true. A refusal can be destabilizing. The worst thing would be to say no and then withdraw! That could lead to tragic outcomes. We need to set up support, refer them to community organizations and resources, and keep accompanying them. Plant hope again.